I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
someone owes me an orgasm
home. puking in laundry basket.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
