So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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