12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
