My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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