You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
