the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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