I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
