im six kinds of drunk right now
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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