I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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