i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You are a genius and a whore.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
