i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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