when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm getting married
To pizza
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
