More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Nobody cheats on THIS.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
