so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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