You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
