No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
