Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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