So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
