It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
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your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
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Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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