there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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