i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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