not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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