Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
