Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
