I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
