Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
