Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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