I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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