throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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