You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
