why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
