My hand turned me down
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
