i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
