Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
