I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
