as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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