I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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