Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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