Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
