I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
