I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
