clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
