Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
