I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
