wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
