Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
