she smelled like a LAN party
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
