Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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