just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize