Swine flu is the new snow day.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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