The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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