Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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