dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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