In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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