i don't like sucking hair
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
