I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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