i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize