I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
