I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
