apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
