are you so shy because you have an std?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
