i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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