so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
