i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So much Jack, so little girl.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
