OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
