awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
