well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
