I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
