He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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