I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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