i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i think i just naturally attract stoners
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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