his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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