I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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