put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
