I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
