you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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