you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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