Kiss
Puke
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
