I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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